I've always been very afraid that people have high expectations of me. It's not that I can't deliver, or that I'm not capable, but it puts a lot of pressure on me because of the "what if I fail" factor. I hate the feeling of having to disappoint someone. It sucks big time. I guess that's probably the reason why I always try to stay very low profile.
Lately I feel like I've disappointed a few people. One of whom was expecting me to be able to help out on some web related stuffs. But I couldn't find time to actually do research on the matter because I've never worked on these things before. And I don't have the heart to actually openly refuse to help. This made me feel really bad. And then there are other stuffs. All these made me feel very down.
I guess somehow the above made me somewhat commitment-phobic. Because when I am committed to something, I always deliver. So sometimes I dare not commit myself because I'm not sure if I'm able to deliver, and in turn disappoint others.
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Wait... I actually started this post wanting to talk about me feeling sad that most of my blogging friends are now in a half-retirement (some fully retired) mode, mainly due to Facebook. Well some of them said that Facebook can be updated much faster, and friends can get notified through the feed page. But content wise it's so much different from blogging. I would compare Facebook/Twitter status vs Blog is like comparing fast food vs gourmet food. In FB most updates you get is like one-liners, where as in blogs you get to see your friends compose a nice story.
Anyways I'm off to Malapascua, Philippines this Saturday. Yay! Diving again. Hope can see some rare sea creatures over there. Sometimes I wonder how long can I hold on to this passion. With my desire to try out new things, I might give this up and try other things. Of course I haven't figured out what at this moment. Having said that, aikido is here to stay. No way I'm giving that up (I hope).
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